Nasal abuse

Why do people fart on crowded commuter trains? Never do you smell a whiff of trump during off-peak journeys (unless you're sat near kids, and I suppose they can't help it). But OH they all come crawling out the woodwork when you're on the train to or from work, no doubt scrunched into a tiny ball against the wall or with your face in someone else's armpit, feeling utterly fed-up as it is. So why must these flatulent people choose to travel on these trains every single day? And try to squirm away or wrap your face firmly in your scarf, and they look at you as though you're the dirty heathen! Well pardon me for not wanting to ingest your faeces molecules! Have a good dump before you set off for work, or better still, bloody well drive instead of subjecting us all to the inescapable pong!


...Phew, that's today's rant over [exhales].